Friday, February 18, 2011

Baby's First Cosmocking!

I was sorting out my old personal papers today, and I came across some comics I drew in 2000, at age 14. (No scan, because the one in question is almost all text, and my handwriting in high school was... something. My handwriting's bad now, but was I holding the pen in my teeth? Had I ever even seen the Latin alphabet? Trust me, you're much better off with a transcription.)



Female character holds up a copy of "Cosmo Girl."
F: Lookit this: "What his kisses really mean." It's about finding if your boyfriend really likes you from how he kisses you.
Male character: Jeez. That is scary. Think you can do better?
F: Of course!

Magazine cover mockup, with female character in a "Girl Power!" top surrounded by headlines.

POPULAR GIRL
The magazine that would never advocate sex, drugs, violence, or anything else that all the cool people do.



Are you insecure? Take our quiz and find out!
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Plastic surgery: a natural, healthy step in every teenager's life
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How to act dumber than you actually are
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George W. Bush vs. Al Gore: Which one would be a cuter President?
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How to decipher "Guyspeak?" Innocent comments reveal his true thoughts!
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How to cope with a breakup: a 3-month heartbreak calendar
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Perfect hair in under 3 hours
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Do you have a crush on him? The 47-part quiz continues
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How to pretend to be scared at horror flicks
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Platonic friends: Myth, lie, or delusion?



Man, age 14, not exactly a polished satirist, but I had the exact same bugs up my ass about these magazines. I'm so proud of little proto-Holly.

10 comments:

  1. A number of these could be real articles, but "Guyspeak," "heartbreak calendar," and "platonic friends" could very nearly be real headlines.

    (Particularly the first two; the last is a little too on point.)

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  2. It always startles me when I find things from my past that show the exact same belief system/thought process I have now. In some ways, every day is a new discovery and chance to learn about issues I've always believed in, but when I read stuff I wrote in HS and college, I am surprised at my own passion and clarity of thought. We are who we've always been, just now with more nuance!

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  3. D'awwwww baby Holly.

    My favorite is the "Platonic friends: myth, lie or delusion?" because the same thought process that leads to that would lead to me, as a bisexual, having no non-sexual friendships ever.

    Maybe that's why they think we're all sluts.

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  4. How to cope with a breakup: a 3-month heartbreak calendar.

    Yeah, I think the receptionist at work studied that article in depth. She stopped talking to me about it when I suggested that the best way to get over one guy is to fuck another. Or two.

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  5. Hilarious! I always love going back to an old Tripod site I created in high school and just...ogling at what a NERD I was and being even more amazed at just how...me I already was then.

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  6. Those are some classic headlines. You should have written about tickling his testicles with a nailboard because that creates a 'sensation', which is obviously pleasure.

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  7. *giggles* In 7th grade, we had to submit one major piece of writing in English class each month. In, say, Oct., Dec., Mar. and May, it had to be an opinion piece while in the alternate months it had to a book report. I remember that one of my opinion pieces was definitely a scathing report on YM and Seventeen.

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  8. LMAO! Your cosmocking was faboulous even back then!

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  9. 14... in 2000... Damnit, now I feel old again. ;)

    I know what you mean about the handwriting, though. And another *mumble* years since high school primarily using a keyboard hasn't improved things much.

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  10. ...and a lifelong lover affair was born.

    When I was just about the same age, my friend and I created a fully-illustrated chick mag called "nummy" with ads and everything. We had two whole issues.

    This sort of thing must be sexblogger training. Wonder if she has one now.

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